Religious Zen

You really are beautiful (or handsome).

We are all too familiar with the billion dollar industries that glamorize looking perfect. In order to succeed in the modeling industry one needs to be unnaturally thin. Would you like to be an actress? Steep competition has forced even the most modest starlets into becoming plastic dolls rather than real flesh and blood human beings.

Advertising on TV bombards us day and night with the message that we need to be thin, we need to have tons of makeup (for you girls), or that we need 6 pack abs (for you guys) in order to get a date, or even have a normal life. While it is always a good idea to be healthy, it is not a good idea to conform to another’s idea of what they think you should be.

This standard for beauty was not always around. Conditioning has taught us what is “beautiful” now. Until you break free from that ideal, you will always be judging yourself by such a standard. If you look at many paintings on male and female beauty from the 17th century on back, you will find that many of them are, well, plain by today’s standards. Society’s concept of beauty is always changing. The only way to break free from that is to feel beautiful for who you are!

I have had many people come to this site so far when searching for ways to feel beautiful, so I thought I would give my own tips for appreciating natural beauty, rather than manufactured fakeness.

1. Look into the mirror.

Many people with low self confidence often try to avoid looking at themselves naked in the mirror. The paradox is, people who suffer from such a lack of self confidence often walk around in public as if they are looking into a mirror of themselves all the time. This makes them self conscious. If you are one of those people, stand naked in front of a full bodied mirror.

Instead of focusing on the areas you don’t like, focus on the areas where you really are naturally beautiful. Maybe it is your gorgeous eyes, your full mouth, rosy cheeks, or a wonderful head of hair. Whatever it may be, appreciate everything that does look good on you, even if you think other areas are lacking.

2. Act self-confident, even if you really aren’t.

I have met some very outwardly attractive women in my life, but their lack of self confidence and need for constant reassurance ended up making them a turn-off for me. On the other side, I have met some so-so looking women who have had great self-confidence and I have found myself absolutely attracted to them. (Not now, of course, I’m married!) From any decent male’s perspective, looks might be important, but self confidence and assertiveness more than make up for any supposed “flaw” in your beauty.

So go ahead and act self confident. Whenever I am nervous giving a speech, or just in general while out in public, I just move with confidence, even if I am lacking it inside me. People tend to trust and admire those who show themselves as confident human beings.

3. Re-shape your image.

No, I’m not talking about liposuction or plastic surgery. My wife has always been beautiful. Before we began dating, she was beautiful. At that time, though, I was only interested in her as a friend. As time went on, she won a free total makeover and got a completely new hairdo and wardrobe change. She was still the same, but the simple act of changing- change breeds excitement- immediately made me attracted to her. She still looked the same, she just changed some little things about herself!

So go out on the town. Change your hairstyle, and buy a bunch of new clothes. Often the new things we change about ourselves brings about self confidence that we didn’t always know was there. And maybe you have a casual admirer that will fall head over heels for you by the simple act of being different.

4. Avoid outlets that set impossible beauty standards for you.

Stop subscribing to that glamor magazine! Switch off much of the shows you see on TV such as America’s Next Top Model if it makes you feel inadequeate. Completely eliminate the publications and television shows that basically say, “This is how you should be.” Television is not real life.

Look out your window or walk down a busy street and see the people who commute and walk alongside you. This is real life. These are the real people of the world, not a shallow actor or actress who reads from a teleprompter. You see people in their normal state, and they are just as beautiful as anyone else.

5. Realize you are beautiful (or handsome) simply for who you are.

The human body is a magnificent thing, no matter who you are! If you were brought up to feel “bad” about certain areas or aspects of it, drop that attitude as quick as you can! That old style of thinking will only suppress who you are as a person and what you think of yourself. If you hear it from nobody else today, then simply tell yourself that:

You are beautiful.

If I could see you in person, I would tell you that. The world and its people- mostly in Western society- are slaves to this unrealistic ideal. If I could help at least one person break free and become self-confident in who they are, and not what society tells them they should be, I would be fulfilled as a human being.

This is a very important subject to me as someone who, long ago, used to suffer from self-confidence issues. Now I am spending as much time as I can helping others in this area. So break free today and pass it on to someone else who needs this message of freedom. In the end, that is a beautiful thing.

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